Home Land Security Ya Think?

True story: My wife just retired from the U.S. Government. To commerate the event, I wanted to photograph her office on the last day at work. So I lottered around the Federal Building with a camera around my neck. Unfortunately,  government employees have training to be suspicious of someone lottering around the Federal Building with a camera around their neck.

A federal employee shouted at me across the street, "Are you a terrorist!?!

If this is their their training, they need a new teacher.

Remote Control

AT&T is marketing a new TV remote that allows the user to change channels without having to point the unit at a television set. Their ad reads "you can just lay there and press buttons, no need to aim it at a TV."

Okay, here's my question: Just how lazy are you??

I'll Be Home for Christmas If Only in My Stretch-Pants.

We are a month away from Thanksgiving - a time to give thanks by eating everything in sight.
Studies show between Thanksgiving and New Year's Day the average American can gain 10 pounds. Heck, last Thanksgiving I ate a fruitcake weighting 10 pounds. I'm not proud of that. So before the holiday onslaught of pecan pie, eggnog, and visions of sugarplums dancing in stomach, let's take a reality check.
You know you need to lose weight before and during the holidays if you:
1. Stand on a voice activated scale and it says, "One at a time please."
2. Walk backwards with a shopping cart and it beeps.
3. Have pants with its own zip code.
4. Toast in the holidays with a tall glass of gravy.
5. Pose for pictures standing in front of the Christmas tree, the tree is not seen in the photograph.
6. Experience a toddler pinching your belly, saying "Ho Ho Ho." and you're not wearing a Santa costume.
7. Know what really happened to the milk and cookies left for Santa.
8. Know what really happened to the pot roast left for Aunt Martha.
9. Know why the family's Gingerbread men are blind: Their chocolate eyes keep vanishing.
10. Discover the hard way holly is not edible.