Of Pigs and Men

I've been thinking a lot about pigs.

It started with this week's visit to Mobile's Greater Gulf State Fair and the obligatory walk through of the livestock tent. For city folks like me, this is a rare swine close encounter. And there she was:

In all her hog glory, standing in the display stall, here was a sow of distinction. She had won the blue ribbon, "Best in Show." As big as a Voltswagon, this was pride in pork. Other pig contenders were led away after losing the contest. By now they are the other white meat.

But this pig didn't care. Weighing an estimated 800 pounds she ate, ate and ate, oblivious to the surrounding world. Nearby animals beheld her in sympathy. One chicken said to the other, "there but by good fortune go you and I."

So if you are a large sow, enter a pig beauty pagent, and do not win, where do you go from there? It tells the world you are not even a good pig.

Another thing, What's the first thing a doctor tells patients with high blood pressure? Lay off pork. Why then do pigs not have high blood pressure?

Finally, did you hear about the pig that killed itself? It was ruled suey side.

I've been thinking alot about pigs. Perhaps too much. But frankly my dear, I don't give a ham.

Voyage of the Good Ole Boys

Know what's bad about being pampered on a luxurious cruise ship for 5 days enroute to Cozumel, Mexico? Nothing.

That was my case last week aboard Carnival's funship, The Holiday. If you live in Mobile, you've seen the ship, docked on the Mobile River. But if you haven't yet, you gotta ride this boat.

My article, "Taking A Holiday" is underway, soon to be published locally, but until then here is what I learned about cruising, deep South style:

Most passengers are from "around here." In other words, it is a voyage of the good ole boys . My favorite was a gentleman from Mississippi I met during the mandatory lifeboat drill. Standing side by side with 1700 other passengers, we donned life jackets. I explained to the new pal that my life jacket, unlike the others, did not have a whistle. His words were comforting: "Buddy, dont worry about that whistle, all it does is signal the sharks that dinner's ready."

For the rest of the trip, I was nervious.