Yard Sales, (from Emmett's Newspaper Column, So There)

By Emmett Burnett

A yard sale is where you take a thousand dollar couch, sell it for 40 bucks and brag about the money you’ve made.

Whatever name you call them: Garage sale, rummage sale, flea market, garage, etc., yard sales serve a purpose and provide a means of unloading our ‘See Rock City’ snow globes. Something makes us think our unused tennis racket, outgrown clothes, and headless Barbie dolls will bring Wal-Mart to its knees. So we set up shop:
What last night was a two car garage, this morning is a shopping mall. I have been on both sides of front yard retail: seller and buyer and so have you. Here are the stories I’ve heard.

The Seller:

A pastor friend was offering a very used, very old, lawn mower for $3 dollars. That’s right, give the preacher five bucks and get 2 dollars change and a vintage grass-cutter. “Will you take two-fifty?” a customer said. Two-fifty?, replied the reverend, “It’s a three dollar lawn mower and you want 50 cents off!? Examining the mower priced cheaper then a cheeseburger, the customer inquired, “Does it work?” The pastor reduced the price to a dollar seventy and left the ministry.

The buyer:

I just returned from what is billed as the “World’s Longest Yard Sale.” Spanning Alabama to Ohio, this is the Super Bowl of previously owned ceramic chickens. Fifty thousand people rummage through stuff another fifty thousand didn’t want. The event covered Highway 127 through five states, 500 miles, and a sea of Beanie Babies (remember paying $200 dollars for a ‘collectors’ Beanie Baby Goldfish? They are two for a quarter now).

The Worlds Longest Yard Sale originated near Nashville. This year’s vendors had great deals on used shoes – 50 cents a pair. This is a good buy if you don’t mind wearing Tennessee footwear once donned by hillbillies.

Kentucky’s specialty was road signs – especially Stop signs. The guy wanted $25 dollars for them which I felt was a rip off. He probably plucked them from the highway, which explains why Kentucky doesn’t have 8 stop signs in the whole state.
Of course there is much more stuff – deer heads from unknown hunters, baby toys, jars, vases, pots, knives, belt buckles, and furniture. Most of it is good furniture. Some serves as reminders of why you thank God for a good job.

I went from Alabama to Ohio and back so you don’t have to. Here is what I learned: When buying yard sale items, make sure it’s an absolute necessity for life. For example, I ran across a stuffed squirrel posed sitting in and paddling a little canoe. Why would a taxidermist do that? I know, the squirrel is basically a rat that climbs trees but should a rodent be immortalized in death by rowing a water craft? “Five dollars and it’s yours,” said the owner.

It looks good on my mantel.