The Mummy and the Mixing Bowl

Last Saturday I visited the mummy exhibit in Mobile, Al. This was a 3000 year old dead (obviously) Egyptian Priest preserved literally, since time began. But the sad thing about this guy, when he died and was being preserved, the technician placed the body's eternal noggin on a bowl of "glue." The workers forgot about it and went home for the night.

Returning the next day, Pharaoh's three stooges discovered in horror the glue bowl had stuck to the cold one's head. Try as they might, they could not budge the sticky vessel from the mummy's skull. Rather than confess the bumble,risking execution, they wrapped him, bowl adhered head and all. "Know one would ever know."

Fast forward 3000 years: Crowds of Mobilians laugh at this poor guy daily while on exhibit

I don't believe in the Egyptian's view of the afterlife but if real, the mummy is looking down at the millions who over the centuries have ridiculed him and his Tupperware hat. The good news is, you can take it with you. The bad news is, it's a mixing bowl, attached to the head.

Tommy' s Book

Yesterday I met with friend and former college room mate, Tommy Hicks. His new book, "Game of My Life," is now on sale. It's a great stuff, interviews with former University of Alabama football players. Available at Barnes & Nobel and other spots around town. Must read for 'Bama fans.

Four Preachers

Four preachers decided to get away from in all. They reasoned, everyone comes to them confessing sins and they had no one to turn to. It was time for them to confide in each other. The four reverends rented a boat, went out in a lake to be alone.

"Brothers, "the first preacher said, "Let us spill our hearts to each other. I will start. Friends, my sin is booze. I love drinking. So much in fact that I get drunk all the time. The second pastor said, brothers, my sin is parties. I love to go to wild parties and get really crazy. Third pastor said, "brothers, my sin is women. I am not faithful to my wife. I have several girlfriends.

The three pastors looked at the fourth and said, ok pastor, your turn, what is your confession? The fourth pastor started rowing the boat to shore and said, "brothers, my sin is gossip, AND I CANT WAIT TO GET OFF THIS BOAT!"

Funeral for a Friend

I recently went to a funeral home, paid respects to a deceased friend of the family. During the years I've noticed really dumb things people say at funerals. It's an awkward time when we fish for comforting words.

These aren't them:

Looking in the casket, "He sure looks natural."
Meaning: He looks like he's been dead for three days

"How much did he leave behind?"
All of it.

"What were his last words?"
Probably....GASPPPPPPP

How many people are buried in this cemetery?
All of them.

"He looks good in that suit"
Yea, very stylish for lying in a coffin

What one should never see on a casket:

Be sure to ask about our layaway plan.
Return to Sender
This side up
Contents Perishable
C.O.D.
Some assembly required
In case of emergency break glass
These cushions can be used as a flotation device
Fire resistant

Let Freedom Ring

Has it been 230 years?

Seems like just months ago we were celebrating America's Bicentennial. Thirty years have passed since then. We are still going strong. Oh yea, there's war in Iraq, a terrible one. Our economy and gas prices roller coaster and a nickel cup of coffee is $3.

But in the land of the free, good outnumbers bad. We now have the internet, Al Gore's greatest invention. We are taking the fight to the terrorist, on foreign soil like the Taliban or domestic enemies like the New York Times. Eventually America wins.

So on this Independence Day Holiday stop a minute from the barbecue. Take time off the beach. Give a special happy birthday greeting to the land that made it all possible.

It was on that July 4, 1776, our forefathers signed the greatest document since the Bible, giving us freedom, liberty, and $3 dollar Starbucks coffee.

Crichton Leprechaun

Has anyone heard anything on the Crichton Leprechaun?

In the June issue of Mobile Bay Monthly Magazine, I included a section about the little green guy in my Urban Legends, Part II Story.

To recap: Residents of this Mobile community reported leprechaun sightings in a tree in Crichton. The local media investigated, a community person drew a sketch of the wee elf (which sold on E-Bay for thousands of dollars). Traffic was backed up and brought to a stand still in the area not exactly noted for tourist trade.

Then the story vanished. Did the Leprechaun?

Perhaps he is hideing out in a box of Lucky Charms.

Please respond if you have a tip - eburnett@emmettburnett.com

Thanks,

Emmett